Archive for the ‘Joke’ Category

Andre’s Input: Irish Court

August 27, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog just got another Irish joke from Andre in Namibia. As usual its very funny. Though in this case I don’t see why it has to be an Irish joke. The nationality could be Australian, British, whatever – in fact its atmosphere is rather Namibian!

Here comes Andre’s input!

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "Yes, I’m sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I’ve lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one."

www.sarcasticcharm.com

August 26, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog suggests that if you have time on your hands and nowhere to go, visit www.sarcasticcharm.com

A tremendous selection of posts – some sarcastic – many just visually stunning photo displays covering topics like ‘the most beautiful white animals’ ‘extreme weather events’ etc.

Brigitte’s Pick: The Pilot and the Priest

May 2, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog rates this a nice Brigitte’s Pick. For once she has picked a joke that won’t offend half of the planet’s easily offended population.

START:

The Pilot and the Priest

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?”

‘The guy replies, “I’m Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, “Take this
silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it’s the priest’s turn.

He stands erect and booms out, “I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43
years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

“ Just a minute,’ says the good father. “That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?”

“ ‘Up here – we go by results,’ says Saint Peter. ‘When you preached – people slept. When he flew, people prayed.”

Leonie’s View: Another disreputable Irish joke – Paddy goes to the florist …

April 26, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog has received yet another post from Leonie in Namibia. It is as scurrilous (and amusing) as usual.

It’s also short enough to remember. A useful thing if you are a joke.

START:

Paddy goes into a Dublin Florist shop and says,

“I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend”.


The florist looked at him and said, “Certainly Sir, what is it you’re after?”A shag”, Paddy replies.

Yikes another Leonie View: Afghanistan diplomat

April 25, 2013

Yikes. Hugh Paxton’s Blog has received yet another Leonie’s View. The Afghans won’t be impressed. But it is, as usual, politically incorrect, and very funny. I am waiting for Leonie and my Blog to receive a fatwah.

Hugh in Bangkok

Afghanistan Diplomat

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department.

The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.)
and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul.

"But a man is sitting on the well!"

“Development Boy”

April 24, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog received this from one of my many friends in the UN, development, NGO brigades.

The message accompanying read as follows:

Check this out. Hilarious!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eA-ALiizsm8

It is.

More From Brigitte’s Pick: Photos to ponder upon

April 12, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog admires our correspondent’s nose for the farcical. Here’s Brigitte’s latest selection. Hard not to be entertained. Enjoy this lot. Don’t try most of these at home. Or anywhere else! Definitely not the Nutella.

Cheers!

Hugh

Leonie’s View: Computers, Old, but worth another round … ;-)

March 8, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s Blog likes this one on computers from Blog correspondent, Leonie in Namibia. I would personally have voted for ‘feminine’ – but that’s because I’m masculine and biased. Enjoy this!

Cheers!

Hugh in Bangkok

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la Casa.’

‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Leonie’s View: Faceless – more South African Humour

March 6, 2013

Hugh Paxton’s blog received these Faceless cartoons from our correspondent Leonie. Not just faceless…priceless!

Cheers from Bangkok,

Hugh

"

Leonie’s view: What do you call a Pope that resigns?

March 1, 2013

Leonie is definitely going to hell!


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