Thai Days: My wife is in Burma and it’s cats and dogs


Hugh Paxton’s Blog is never entirely sure what will happen when she goes on a field trip. My wife. As soon as she goes it as if strange currents of energy shift and sway and change complete direction. Let’s start with the cat. She’s my cat, knows she’s my cat, knows I like her and she knows I hate the dog. My wife departs with a wave from a taxi and it is almost instant! The dog’s defender is off to the airport. Brief pause. Cat gives me a “Shall we get going?” look, and I give it the full bloody go-ahead! The cat has been waiting for this and whacks the dog with full claw on the nose.

If my wife wasn’t in a taxi and was sitting here she’d break up the squabble. But she isn’t. And I just watch that cat go! And that dog run! And my money’s on the cat and Yes!!!! Nose scratch, good tactical bite, fierce back arch, nice vocals on the hiss and great follow through with the yowl, confused beagle, stupid bark that wouldn’t frighten anything ( just annoy me), oh yes, paw to the head! Wham! Oh no the testicles! Two paws to the head! Extended claws! Four feet of claws? I’m imagining things! Beagle in flight. Cat too arrogant to pursue the loser. She curls up at my feet gives me a lazy “What a pussy!” look.

Yes! I’m a gambling man and if I’d had someone here to gamble with I’d have won! OK, our foul dog has noticed the winds have changed. We are talking Top Cat not top dog. And we aren’t even talking underdog. We are talking a beagle that ate my dinner last night plus all my case notes on Lao silk weaving; the sort of dog behaviour that really makes you think about how to kill dogs painfully and without soothing drugs. And now we are talking cat police! And a boot to a beagle’s arse if the cat is caught asleep on the job ! There is no animal welfare ethic left in this house! I want to smash my beagle to death with a sledgehammer. If it had any income, I’d present it with a bill for damages to my house, my treasures, my property and it would get a mop up bill for its gratuitous urination, vomiting, and crapping.

OK: Cat: Twenty
Beagle: Nil

The ref? A heavily biased intro, I can’t help feeling.

Crowd: Black Cats Black cats! Those ain’t dogs they’re manky rats!Peel the big eared runts and use them as mats!Foot mats! Floor mats! Any fucking type of mats!

Small beagle lovers group (timid but bravely defiant): Beagles are cute! They are really sweet! If you’ve got a beagle you are really neat!

Violence obliterates further communication.

Readers this is day one!


4 Responses to “Thai Days: My wife is in Burma and it’s cats and dogs”

  1. Doug Says:

    Lol…oh that was great…wish I could have been there to see that…I think I was there..a good imagination can transport you anywhere…it must’ve been the play by play….any ways good luck…I don’t know how you put up with that dog….

    • Hugh Says:

      Doug, it (the beagle from hell) just ate all my fish food! It has grown in stature and has developed reach. It can extend its evil hunger to anything that isn’t over six meters in altitude. Its morning foray means that I have to take a minibus downtown to the only fish food retailer I know that sells fish food that my fish eat! That’s a three hour traffic jam! My sister sent me an email stressing that “pets are important.” I never follow advice from my sister – she bought 30 guinea pigs (they escaped and a fox ate them), a donkey and a bunch of geese, chickens, dogs. Dr Doolittle. Chang, my painter, suggested cooking my dog. And I think he’s so right!

  2. sandra Says:

    Life is full of all these problems!! I hope you gave Midori my email address! Look forward to seeing you all on my next visa run. Louie is coming for a trip at the end of this month. Enjoyed your blog on Malaysia! Stay happy xxx

  3. Hugh Says:

    It is, Sandra. Next visa run, welcome! we’d love to have you. Annabel is already planning your bedroom decorations. Louie welcome, too.
    Love from us!

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