Thai Days: Beagle training


Hugh Paxton’s Blog has whinged and whined and moaned and groaned about our beagle. Buggly. There’s a picture of him looking cute on my blog somewhere.

Tonight this foul organism taught itself a lesson. Buggly likes chewing. It really doesn’t matter what it is but if Buggly can chew it Buggly will. Scissors, shoes, socks (even my socks! I call that depraved!) candy wrappers, hangers, my favourite books, money (large denominations are particularly welcome) mozzie coils, plugs, wires that could cause instant death, but unfortunately haven’t, it just chews away!

Tonight I asked Chang, a Burmese friend, to bring back a meal for me and a meal for him.

It took him a while but he’d hit jackpot! He brought back a volcano on a plate! There wasn’t a single thing on my smoking chop sticks that wasn’t designed to blow my head off. This stuff wasn’t curry. It was Thai stir fry.

Very spicy.

Buggly sensed food and began slow circles waiting for the chance. I don’t want to belittle my foul moronic beagle but God has issued him with a nose and two huge soggy looking ears. The nose should have sent a message to brain “This IS SPICY!” The ears should have sent message to brain “Hugh says don’t eat this! It’s spicy!”

I was doing pretty well. If the Thais can handle this stuff why can’t I?

The phone rang. There was a dreadful gargling sound. My phone’s like that but no! This wasn’t my phone. My phone has a sort of sckreech roar crackle crackle fhiizzzzz phthantang bleep sawardi kap…zoing and I know it well. Probably just the phone company asking if I was satisfied with their service. But the gargling? No! My phone hadn’t tried that before.

There it was! A delinquent grin on its face. Buggly. On the table and finishing off a quarter of a pint of lethal fish sauce stuffed with lots of spicy. I became entangled in the telephone chord. Buggly was on a roll. There was a snap as another plastic bag popped and then gulping commenced again.

Less than a minute, almost a pint of seriously savage chili sauce. With those little green slivers in them that look friendly and kill tape worms on contact. Big tape worms. Three meter tape worms.

Buggly lost its dozy grin and our eyes met.

I knew what the dog was thinking. It was thinking “Blast! Should have gone for the bread roll! I’m on fire this is hell! Water? Oh please I’ll be a good dog and I’ll ow oh no its getting hotter it’s in my eyes, my nose oh bark, my paws are ”

It knew what I was thinking.

“No help from me. As you sow so shall ye reap. ”

The beagle wobbled off and crawled into a dark and tranquil space beneath the stairs and writhed around. It remains there still. I’ll see if it lives when I get out of bed tomorrow. I’m sure it will but I think it will be thinking twice before its next table raid!


Hugh in Bangkok

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