The Great Spring Clean!


It began at noon and the more I cleared and cleaned, the fuller the house became. I kept finding lots of things, things I don’t need, things I might need, things that somebody might need. More to the point I kept finding things chewed and ruined by a beagle . How extraordinary! It seems to have tested its teeth on anything that wasn’t protected by a closed door.

The closed doors haven’t escaped. Chewed!

Both lucky rope dragons are missing their heads. A sad sight. Those ragged wrecks were meant to be auspicious.

If I had the money and connections I’d bring in the lads from Forensics. They could remove all the turds left by my piano and swab the pee stains (also by my piano) and identify the culprit.

In a perfect world the police would then swoop in, firing weapons and hurling grenades at my beagle.

In a real world they would then realize that they’d got the wrong address. Number 56? Sorry, we thought that was 57! Will the child live?

Don’t worry, the ambulance is at number 59 and can be re-called.

Oh Gawd! We can’t move! Something has just eaten our windscreen wipers! And chewed our tyres!

Let’s try House 54?

I won’t go on.

Beagles eat everything, police do their best and are always too late, and Spring Cleaning lasts forever.

Hugh in Bangkok

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