Thai Days: Am I losing it?


Hugh Paxton’s Blog spent yesterday evening watching Kangaroo Jack. Actually very funny. I like the way things go wrong! So often! Worth a watch. But that’s not really the point of this post. This post is about…things!

Yes, things!

I’ve got too many! And too few!

I was, to my daughters disgust and horror, in “cleaning mode”. This involves a degree of eleven year old daughter collaboration and lots of shouting when she prevaricates and gets into “You’re so mean Daddy” mode.

Mean? Hanging her up by her ears and setting fire to her feet might justifiably be considered mean. Or justifiable! Asking her to pick up her infinite quantity of pencils before the infernal dog chews and gnaws them into extinction? No court in the world would accuse or convict me of being mean for that activity.

The thing about my things is that they ARE NOT MY THINGS! I’ve got eight school bags, nearly fifty shoes that certainly weren’t designed to fit me, a sack load of Menthos sweeties, erasers, chewey things for dogs, dog collars, mops, brooms, Torchwood DVDs, mangled fishfood containers, strawberry milk. The list could quite easily go on. I had three scooters yesterday. And two trampolines. I haven’t bought any of them (apart from the trampolines).

What has provoked this outburst is an email I just received from a friend asking if I could find her daughter’s hat and sun screen because she (Anna, not my Anna, hers, everybody seems to be called Anna because it makes life simple) was going for a football tourney in Malaysia.

It looks like a project. A project that I might make work. I can sift through twenty hats without breaking a sweat. My maid, Khun Mee has moved them to all points of the compass but they must still be within walking distance and unless Anna’s mummy is very fussy about sun screen I should be able to get something white to smear on her face while she scores goal after goal.

I gain things day after day. But am I losing it?

Yes! Anything I need is gone! I have six cigarette lighters and they all work. Six! How did that lot arrive! But find a cigar? Impossible. Even the ashtray has done a bunk! And try to find garlic in my kitchen? Go for El Dorado. More hope in that quest!

Only three people inhabit this house but all three of us move things. Some Thais or Burmese arrive daily to move things in more interesting directions. My daughter’s friends participate and move things. Or break them. If they don’t break them my daughter does it for them. All of em move things.

I’m closing this post before it becomes even more boring and somebody moves my computer.

All I need to do now is find my shoes before I lose my mind. Or somebody moves it for me.

Cheers from Bangkok!


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