Thai Days: Cosmetic surgery

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Hugh Paxton’s Blog is amazed by the cosmetic surgery options available in Bangkok. If you are a man who wants to be a woman (or a woman who wants to be a man) it is no problem at all! Facelifts, botox, hair repair, anything goes.

I thought it time for a few of my warts to go. They aren’t really warts – sort of warty things that are brown and protrude and mar my otherwise perfect body.

I dropped in to a cosmetic surgeon and thought “Physician heal thyself!” She was a total toad!

I explained my problem and she said there wasn’t a problem. A totally unsatisfactory answer! I was here for cosmetic surgery (and a newspaper article) and I wasn’t leaving without having some!

She wanted me to go away but I showed her my warts and she sensed my desperation and brought out the liquid nitrogen. Wow! Did I want anesthetic? Of course not, I’m English. The nurses looked concerned. The head nurse looked impressed. She said something in Thai which probably translated as “English people are crazy.” Or “English people are brave.” I got sprayed.

I’m English and I would describe myself as “impressive.” The pain was excruciating but I smiled and chatted with the nurses and walked with an indolent swagger towards the cashier desk. Yegods! The bill! Forget liquid nitrogen! This bastard really hurt! Stiff upper lip time. I paid this monstrous assault on my budget with a careless flourish that drew admiring stares from lots of sleek nurses who wanted to have sex in exchange for money.

A great deal say I! Those nurses are everything one could hope for in a bunch of nurses! But in my condition all I really wanted was a small cave to curl up in and wait for the pain to fade.

It has yet to subside. I am still in agony.

This is the last time Hugh Paxton’s Blog goes investigating cosmetic surgery. I’m becoming concerned about the working conditions of young smiling nurses wearing crisp white clothing who want to go out for a duck noodle lunch.

Cheers!

Hugh in Bangkok

5 Responses to “Thai Days: Cosmetic surgery”

  1. Rodel Says:

    Hahahahaha… Hugh, you probably have skin tag. It’s hereditary. Check whether your dad has it. You take it out, they will just keep on coming out. hahahaha

    Have a great holiday.
    Rodel

    • Hugh Paxton Says:

      Yeah! Rodel! Thanks for your sympathy you evil bastard! And FYI it was my Mum who had the beauty spots and passed them on! I hope that you are suffering from something disfiguring! Piano finger? Jazz lips? We miss you, haven’t seen you in a while and hope it stays that way! Perhaps September? We can examine my cosmetic wounds and you can suggest methods of shooting catfish with an M-16. Love from us all! Hugh, Midori and Annabel. (PS If you can sell my beagle for more than 20,000 you get ten percent commission – he’s a a pedigree, a pain but plump and gently roasted over coals in northern Luzon or Vietnam he might bring some joy to the world). Please advise on current market price!

  2. Sandra Says:

    Crazy man

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    • Hugh Paxton Says:

      Utterly stupid! I am the first to admit it and my wife is the second to remind me of it. Rather annoyingly it was my daughter who suggested the visit – there was an unsightly wart on her knee invisible to the naked eye and it was worrying her. After lots of bleating and talk of knees I gave in. Off we went. When we got there I didn’t have anything to do. So I thought, “Hey, why not?” That was some time ago. I’m still bleeding, hurting. Annabel’s dreadful wart is still invisible. My wife’s verdict on the whole thing? “I think she (the doctor with the liquid nitrogen) has overdone it. And I don’t think it works. Don’t go near her again!”

  3. Hugh Says:

    It still hurts!

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