Thai Days: Smashed door!


Hugh Paxton’s Blog has had an interesting afternoon. The morning was fun. Horsing around in the Thai Village swimming pool with an inflatable plastic crocodile. We should have been horsing around in our inflatable boat but the dog had bitten a very deflatable hole in it. So that option was scuppered!

Lunch, smooth. Yakisoba noodles cooked to perfection by my esteemed wife. Afternoon ? Pretty good. Relaxing until my beloved daughter found my attempts at jocularity annoying.

I was teasing her, pretending I’d forgotten her birthday. Rather childish. In retrospect, not very funny.
She might have been a bit tired. Halloween. Sleepover. Swimming.

Yes, tiring. Busy schedule.

Anyway my jests inflamed her and she kicked the plate glass door to smithereens. One shot! Barefooted! Fantastic! I was totally impressed! I couldn’t have done it without a battle axe! She managed it with one kick! The whole front door! In shards! Blood and glass everywhere. Blood all over the place! And glass.

Of course this changed the shape of the afternoon.

What is the point of this blog post? There are two points actually. One: Last night I had to endure a bunch of female ex-pats complaining about how useless Thais were and how dangerous Cambodians, Lao and people from Vietnam and Myanmar are. One suggested that my daughter should never ride on Chang’s scooter. At all. Ever.

There’s something tedious about this sort of thing. One word does it for me. “Unfair.” If people don’t like living in a country they should clear off. That works for England, too. Love it or leave it. In many cases I would suggest leaving ASAP!

Point two: As soon as the smashing of glass was heard a whole bunch of Thais turned up. A couple of securities a bunch of kids and a Thai village guy who occasionally works for me loaded her into the back of a hastily borrowed pickup.

Off to Emergency. We are very conveniently situated next to Bangkok Hospital.

The medic looked stricken and explained she’d never dealt with children before.

“Now is your chance!” I encouraged her. I left. Chang arrived to see if all was going well. Then Johan, a very tall South African friend and neighbor who had seen the pickup pass by, arrived. Johan and I get along famously but he looks the Frankenstein monster.

I felt for the medic. “Which one of these guys is your Daddy?” she asked Annabel. She looked in need of first aid herself.

“The one who is paying the bill! Me!” I explained.

Jaysus! All this football training! Strong kicks! Why the hell can’t she play ping pong?

Johan cleared off, Chang hung around looking like a threatening gangster, I hung around watching lots of dead people being carted out on stretchers. It wasn’t the relaxing afternoon I’d planned. Tomorrow’s paella lunch plan is also screwed. I have to take our vandal back to hospital tomorrow morning to have the sutures checked.


After two hours of hovering around watching the Night of the Living Dead in Casualty, Annabel hopped out and I was presented with an astonishingly high bill! My heart thudded, my eyes fluttered, I thought for one moment I’d need my own stretcher and ticket to the crematorium.

The cashier noticed my discomfort but tried to relax me with the thought that if I paid with American Express I’d get a 5% discount. Half an hour later after anxious to and fros I was informed that American Express was malfunctioning “because it is American.” I ransacked my pockets and found that all the money I possessed was just enough to pay the bill. “Do I get a 5% discount for cash?”

“No, so sorry. Only for American Express.”


Quick wheelchair ride, and we both climbed on to Chang’s scooter (despite all advice) and it was home. More easily accessible than usual. Plenty of space where the door was.

And how is Annabel you might be wondering?

She has been singing lustily, eating well, shows no signs of discomfort and is hopping about. The Thais are calling her the kangaroo. Witnessing this rapid recovery she was issued with a scrubber and soap and ordered to remove all the bloodstains. Of which there were many.

Everybody who had been griping about Thailand last night and everybody who pisses and moans about where they are living should perhaps bear in mind the following:

Annabel is half English (my contribution) half Japanese (my wife’s contribution). The people who sprang to her rescue were from Thailand, Myanmar, Thailand (several times), South Africa and England. This was obviously a moronic bit of Annnabelish behavior but the lads came out! And so did the women.

I think if you live somewhere you should do your best to like it. Not moan about it or gossip and be grumpy and malevolent.

I was proud of everything that happened today. Broken door included! One hell of a kick! That’s my girl!

Obviously she won’t be getting any pocket money for several decades!


Love from Bangkok!


One Response to “Thai Days: Smashed door!”

  1. charlespaxton Says:

    I hope the Kangaroo recovers soon.

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