Thai Days: Fury Roads and Comfy Chairs

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Hugh Paxton’s Blog first watched Mad Max when I was a young, impressionable teenager and was so inspired that I went out and bought a 49 cc Yamaha. Attaining maximum speeds of less miles per hour than ccs I was never quite in the league of Baba, Mudguts and the Toecutter and financial considerations kept me that way. Mad Max II, still with Mel Gibson, debuted when I was a slightly older, but still impressionable, university student. A lot more mayhem than the first and there was still something approaching a plot. Mad Max III had Tina Turner in it as well as Mel and I wasn’t impressed. Tina couldn’t act and for the first time, probably because the movie allowed me a lot of time to kill, I noticed that neither could Mel. If there was a plot I can’t remember it. Mel has become an anti-Britain, down with the Queen, Jews and non-Catholics and hey! A Scottish patriot – the last refuge of a scoundrel. A bit sad to see that. And Braveheart? Pass me the barf bag and bring on the English!

Mad Max IV “Fury Road” recently hit the Bangkok cinemas to rave reviews. I gave in to my nagging daughter and off we both went to the Emporium’s newly revamped 5th floor cinemas.

Bangkok cinemas are probably the best places to visit if you are tired of the city and want to cool down and go to sleep.

If you desire complete solitude go to the RCA complex. Someone really ought to! It’s huge. it shows thoughtful films with subtitles and meaningful moral dilemmas,homosexuals and no gunfights or dinosaurs. If there are ten people in the place it isn’t RCA. If you like Japanese anime movies that make you cry if you can stay awake and give a damn this is a sure bet. There’s also usually something involving a transgender character coming to terms with issues. I’m all in favour of that sort of thing but watching John become Joanna makes me wish John would blow his head off in the first scene and then a few dinosaurs could arrive with Armalites and real women and a plot…

RCA comes out tops for narcoleptics and there’s the echo-zone, the popcorn girl in limbo, the yakuza guy who checks tickets and makes sure you get the right seat unless he’s not there or is asleep with an empty instant noodle container balanced on his crotch. There’s no real need to buy a ticket unless you feel sorry for the place.

The other cinemas don’t have many patrons either. They are grandiose; thick carpets, reclining seats with foot rests, so soft and comfy they absorb your tired limbs, frustrations and fears and whisper soothing messages…”sleep…fall away…let your tired eyelids close…stand up for the National Anthem but it doesn’t last long…” I had a reading light if I needed it while I watched Fury Road and a blanket wrapped in plastic airline style and pillows and a button to press if I craved popcorn…

The sound shook the floors, the madly designed vehicles thundered and crashed and bodies flew hither and thither and after ten minutes I fell asleep. Fury Road was pulling out all the stops and I didn’t care. It wasn’t the first Mad Max. That first movie was believable, actually frightening, and I hated and admired the bad men. Wanted Max to chase them down. Wanted the bad guys to get away. Loved Max for giving Johnny the old ‘saw your hand off or burn to death’ option. Bought my Yamaha!

Fury Road picked up and there wasn’t a plot. Not one that would appeal to anybody who requires a plot. A story. Something clever. Something at least unpredictable.

It’s women! Have a woman in a film where a woman shouldn’t be and the whole thing falls apart. Fatal Attraction is a woman thing. It thrives on it! There are thousands of movies where women are essential. But in a biker movie there shouldn’t be too many of them and if there isn’t a plot to go along with it then just hire Tina Turner and Mel and lots of stuntmen and assume the audience is too stupid to notice or has a seat with a reading light in a restful Elite seat in the Emporium.

It’s villains, too. Giving the Fury Road bad guy a skull mask and a bunch of phony skinheads doesn’t cause alarm. Like his fortress and his stupid machines he’s as much a fake as the women. Or that dickhead magician with his amazing rabbits outrunning the orcs in The Hobbit.

The only scene that touched me and my daughter both was when a blonde woman who we both liked got killed. Apart from that Fury Road has lots of apocalyptic desert scenery, dunes, canyons…but we’ve lived in Namibia, visited Australia, had fun in Somalia, Sudan, the Libyan Sahara and naah!.. Go watch fury Road for the seats and the trailers. And the button to push to order popcorn.

FURY ROAD REVIEW:

“Not the best.”

Annabel Paxton

3 Responses to “Thai Days: Fury Roads and Comfy Chairs”

  1. Stella Says:

    Thanks for the review. I’ve been considering going to see Fury Road. To be fair I don’t require a Mad Max movie to supply much in the way of common sense or plot, but I draw the line at anything approaching the ridiculousness of that god-awful rabbit sled.

  2. Hugh Paxton Says:

    Stella! Um…yes, the god-awful rabbit sled. I hoped nobody would remind me. Perhaps you might give Fury Road a miss. There aren’t any rabbits but there are moments when there MIGHT be a rabbit-sled. Not with a rabbit pulling it. But that sort of feeling. There’s a horrid “let’s cheer because the music is rousing” end to the film. No snarl. No loyalty to the origins of the Mad Max idea. Low budget, scruffy men, speeds, morals but not many…the more special effects we get the less the plot. I’ll review Jurassic World now. It’s that or do something that will involve reviewing Quatermass.

    It’s raining again! The bloody squirrels are hitting the grass and the cat’s got one

  3. Hugh Paxton Says:

    Stella, just a quick PS to reasure you. I got the cat, before the cat got the squirrel. Treat got a blistering kick in her arse that sent her well away from further harm. The monsoon here has everything breeding and finding space and killing each other and being forgetful and I am damned if anything that thinks it can say miaoww and “let me in because I love you” because it’s raining and is hungry for expensive Whiskas and then eats my geckos and brings me a squirrel tail with attached liver and gall bladder is anything other than a cat in need of somebody in need of a cheap fur (surprisingly waterproof) coat.
    H

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