Hugh Paxton’s Blog was trying to:
1.watch the BBC World news,
2.listen to the latest bullshine from my daughter’s school – the computers were hacked and a message appeared on all screens. “We are coming”. It had a picture of an ISIS hobgoblin sexual/moral deviant wrapped in a black bin liner and caused a temporary computer shutdown. I can’t see ISIS targeting my daughters school. Bullshine spam. Slightly more unpleasant was a Pakistani fortune teller with huge ear-rings who visited my beloved daughter’s class by school invitation and stared at the kids’ palms and muttered things like “You will be known” and “Sorry. So so sorry.” before moving on to the next victim. In other school news somebody was dating somebody new, the usual.
3. I was wondering whether to serve a very large farmed fish bought from a street grill shack that smelled rather odd (shack and fish both) and identifying its rapid state of decomposition (its gut was infested with parasites, evidence of over crowding, lack of access to fresh oxygenated water, fish farm mismanagement) when the Beeb skipped further comment on San Bernadino slaughter and Bangkok was on the screen.
The problem with the Paxton family in Bangkok having dinner is that the three of us are guilty of multi-tasking. The conversation reflects this. “That fortune teller should have been thrown out…” “Hugh, no, get rid of the fish! Just serve your chicken! It’s actually quite good!” “She said I should stop begging! I never beg!” “Actually?!!!??” “She was creepy, Dadeee!” “Darling, I loved that Clint Eastwood line ‘The sooner you get out the better it’ll be for your ass!’ I’d have shown that voodoo Paki’s ass her future then the window! ” “Dadeee that’s so racist! I don’t want cream and wine in my chicken! It’s good!” “I’ve a telecon with Istanbul at eight!” “Good!!??!! That’s better than ‘actually’ – have more!” “This girl is a super model. Have a look! I see her all the time!” “Looks ordinary.” “She goes to your school, of course you see her all the time. Her Dad probably owns the ad agency.” “You put parsley in it!” “Why don’t you be a model? It’ll pay for all your football boots?” “The new calendar’s almost ready! It’s looking superb! Hugh…the fish!” “I don’t want to be a model! Dadeee, you’re so gross!”
The BBC voice left an NRA guy saying that if more people had access to weapons they’d be able to prevent homicidal Jihad rampages (words to that effect, five stars for cunning and spin! I admire that degree of pure villainy!) and a new reporter hit a few key words. Russian security services…10 ISIS trained in Syria…Arrived Thailand October…Kings birthday…warning…Bangkok…bombings…
My journalist nerves twitched! The ISIS planning a crack at Bangkok tomorrow? On the King’s birthday?
And on my planned Christmas shopping day! And on Midi’s planned business lunch day. Tomorrow. (Actually today).
If ISIS wants my support they have options in Bangkok. They could disconnect all Christmas carol speakers from malls, have a lengthy massage, spend a few gainful weeks relaxing with a cold beer, an Agatha Christie novel on a lonely beach with the soothing sound of surf, visit a few Buddhist temples, and slowly, leisurely, shave off their beards, rediscover the earthly beauties, and join IQUIT. A new radical peaceful Islamic movement I’ve just made up but it has a ring to it!
Of course they can go ahead and mutilate and slay more people. Thailand’s not going to launch airstrikes against ISIS but any suicide bomber here better put up a better performance than the Iranian jerk who blew up his bomb factory by accident ran smoking down the street, tried to hail a taxi, threw his grenade at it in frustration, then had his leg blown off when his grenade bounced back. This Jihadist remains in Bang Kwang dungeons. There aren’t any virgins in Bang Kwang. If he was a virgin when he went in, he is one no longer. He and his one legged jihadi-ass have years and years of this extra-nuptial entertainment to look forward to!
I’ve tried the BBC again but the Bangkok bomb threat has been relegated to the Twilight zone.
I’ll let you know if anything happens.
What caught my eye was traffic jams.
Check the BBC.com news and “The World’s Longest Traffic Jams”. Mind boggling!