Hugh Paxton’s Blog has nothing against Monday mornings in general but today’s edition of Monday morning is proving to be a bit of a test.
I woke early and couldn’t see much. Mozzies had spent the earlier hours biting and blood sucking my eyelids. The stinkers!
Visually challenged I did a pretty good job of making breakfast and did an even better job of dropping stuff all over the kitchen floor.
I had help.
Our two cats (that we rescued from an uncertain fate – probably death – after last year’s floods) currently hate each other and race around the house making ghastly noises and smashing everything in their war path. Today’s battleground included the kitchen.
BITCHING ABOUT CATS: It was rather sad to witness the anarchy, mess, ruin and waste that two really irritating cats can generate in less than a minute of rushing, jumping, yowling and knocking herbs, rice, coffee, sausages etc. off shelves and on to the floor.
But what I particularly hate about my cats (apart from their selfish natures, their current raucous feud, and their eternal desire to be stroked and petted and crooned over while shitting and vomiting on my favourite and most expensive Persian carpet) is their predatory urge to eat geckos. Geckos clear mozzies big time. If these damn cats could just eat their nutritious crunchy dry, rather unattractive, pellets that I pay lots of money for, rather than try to eat my geckos then I wouldn’t have to wake up with my face looking as if I’ve contracted smallpox.
ANIMAL RIGHTS VIOLATION: I put the boot in. Despite my swollen eyelids I think I got a couple of useful punts to cattish arse. The cats ran like shite. And it made my heart glad and my Monday morning feel more promising!
Alas! Joy is but a fleeting thing. While my eyelids were beginning to stop itching and stinging and I was thinking of happy things – two strangled cats, my daughter’s lovely face, my wife’s entrancing smile and graceful composure, the multi-coloured ripple of my tropical fish in their serene pond (and why is there a turtle in there? I didn’t buy it, I don’t want it! If anybody reading this post is responsible for depositing a baby turtle in my pond please remove that turtle!) , I opened my newspaper.
HORRIBLE NEWS: Whooppee! Muslims!
A couple of days ago I heard that a bunch of Muslims was holding a Prayer for Peace pray in central Bangkok.
I thought, stupidly, that some people had come to their senses. That Muslims could behave like rational people.
The Bangkok Muslim prayer for peace thing didn’t involve suicide bombings but the people who were praying for peace mainly griped about images offending Islam. No points! Pathetic!
While all these dickheads were raising their bums and kissing their prayer mats Islamist militants in the deep south of Thailand were planning rocket attacks against a food fair featuring lots of local food stalls, children’s entertainments, a happy family day out.
The militants blew the fair up. Lots of people died. There were numerous other shootings.
God is Great?
Yes, I’m sure he’d approve. Kill lots of people who are trying to buy breakfast? Good work boys! Don’t pass Go
Straight to heaven for y’all!
OK, let’s move on. All the dead in the south have been forgotten by most people waking up this Monday mourning. Their families will never forget. But hey ho its off to work we go!
What really pisses me off this morning is the Islamic community in Bangladesh. They are in my face this Monday morning because 25,000 of them became offended by something on the internet allegedly defaming the Koran. The post on the web was by a young Buddhist man (or maybe it wasn’t – it could have been sent to him). End result? 25,000 ranting Muslims set fire to at least five Buddhist temples (one 300 years old), burned houses in villages that housed Buddhists and, no surprise here! stole things from shops and ran away with them for personal profit.
It’s Monday morning. I woke up early.
So did my wife. There’s a demonstration planned outside her UN building. She wanted to get to her office before it started and disrupted traffic. And wow, let’s take a wild guess! Who’s demonstrating outside the UN building? Buddhists? Christians? Zoroastrians?
This stuff’s so depressing!
My plan now is to go back to bed. When I wake up it may all have been a dream! And it’ll be a brave new rational Monday! Without mad cats and mozzies and Islamic hysterics.
Wish me sweet dreams!