Archive for the ‘Suzi’s Bit’ Category

Suzi’s Bit: What the…..?

November 23, 2012
The ‘TIT’ Tree has been found……..or the ‘borsboom’. Now we have the ‘worsboom’ and the ‘borsboom’ in Afrikaans!

Guess what this is ?

Oh no its not.

It’s not I tell you!

It’s a Vietnamese gourd or pumpkin.

Oh yes it is!

Suzi’s view: South africa – a Message from all the farmers to Malema

February 9, 2012

Hugh Paxton’s Blog has received quite a number of submissions from South Africans regarding Julius Malema, the disgraced ANC youth league leader and racist firebrand.

Malema’s policies and speeches indicate in no uncertain terms that he would like to seize all White owned farmland in South Africa, thereby repeating the extraordinary success story of Mugabe in Zimbabwe who managed to convert the food basket of southern Africa into the foodless basket case of Africa in a handful of vicious, moronic years.

It has been said that history repeats itself. Malema wants it that way. But I don’t think it’s going to work.

Malema’s academic record is largely characterised by “F” ratings.

This blog has published his school report. The post title was “Is this proof of Malema’s Effing genius?”

South Africa has so much going for it. And so much going against it. One of the things going against it is Julius “F” Malema.

I suspect that his land seizure plans are going to be another “F”. And here’s why. People have had enough of divisive racial politics. Farmers, irrespective of race, have had enough.

And here, thanks to Suzi, we see it!

A Message from all the farmers to Malema

 

Suzi’s Bit: Electric cars … SHOCKING info!!

January 19, 2012

Hugh Paxton’s Blog got this from Suzi on big oil and a conspiracy to destroy electric cars. If it’s true it’s really shocking. If it’s a hoax it’s very well done.

Elektro-Autos1.pps

From Suzi; Oh Julius …….

November 20, 2011

Julius Malema, Hugh Paxton’s blog regrets to say is a very racist, fundamentally stupid Black South African. He was key in the ANC Youth League, he’s been convicted of corruption and convicted on very reasonable charges of inciting racial hatred. When he opens his mouth the ANC winces. When he says something guns come out. When he does anything, I just feel like flushing the toilet. And now he wants to be Nelson Mandela. Tough act to follow Julius.

Over to Suzi in Windhoek.

Julius Malema stated yesterday : “I want the people of South Africa to treat me the same way they treated Nelson Mandela”.

Evita Bezuidenhout immediately responded  “What a great idea. Let’s start with 27 yearsin jail…”

Suzi’s Bit : We are talking cute! Things that make you go awwwww…..”

November 15, 2011

No horrible stuff here! Suzi has sent Hugh Paxton’s Blog lots of nice, fluffy, cuddly, pics. Her timing is perfect! A couple of recent posts have been a bit dark. Time to lighten up!

Cheers

Hugh

Over to Suzi!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suzi’s Bit: Bear Attack in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada

November 1, 2011

Read till the end…. So true

Bear Attack in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada
These are pictures of an actual polar bear attacking a man.
The pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack!
Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim will make a full recovery.
The photos are below.

[keep scrolling]

v

v

v

v

polar bear cub attacks a man in Manitoba

May your troubles always be smaller than your imagination!

Suzi’s Spot: Chimpanzees free.

September 9, 2011

Hugh Paxton’s blog was just about to shut down for the night when the following arrived from Suzi in Namibia. This blog is blessed by Namibian women contributors. They’re all beautiful, hard working ,creative, charismatic and say things. Sometimes with lots of OOOOOs in them

Over to Suzi!

Hi! This will make you cry and laugh at the same time. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sweet. Go to YouTube and search for: Frightened Lab chimps see daylight for first time… or Lab Chimps See Sunlight For The First Time – AWESOME or Chimpanzees freed after 30 Years as Lab Animals or The thumbnail will have a green building in it.

It is so amazing to see them laugh and hug each other. People should be ashamed of them selves for experimenting on animals. They are so happy now.

Have a happy day!

Suzi

A Letter From Suzi: Shotgun Cure for Warts (and subsequent arrest)

June 20, 2011

 

 

Hi Hugh, I thought you may enjoy these two snippets from the weekly letter we receive from my aunt and uncle in the UK!

 Two items of note from the papers.

Firstly the prize of “Wally of the Week” must go to a certain Sean Murphy who was suffering from a troublesome wart on one of his fingers. Having sustained himself with several pints of strong beer he took his shotgun and endeavoured to shoot off the wart.

Result – loss of one finger and the police are charging him with possession of an unlicensed shotgun, which had been used in a previous robbery. He claims that he found it under a hedge!!!!!!!

Secondly, a few weeks ago, some bra-less no brain in the USA stated that men who open doors for women etc. are guilty of “benevolent sexism”. As you can imagine this instantly provoked an immediate host of correspondence on the subject. One gentleman said that he and his wife had been the victims of benevolent sexism when travelling on the Underground, but have never refused the seats offered. I am proud to admit that I do still hold doors open for ladies, lift my hat to them and walk on the outside of them on the pavement to guard them from the splashes of errant motorists So there!!!

Have a great week!

Suzi

Suzi’s Bit: PC hits Trafalgar – Hugh Paxton blog rates this one highly!

February 7, 2011

 

Nelson: “Have we broken out the signal, Hardy.”

Hardy: “Aye, aye sir.”

Nelson: “Hold on, this isn’t what I dictated to Flags.  What’s the meaning of this?”

Hardy: “Sorry sir?”

Nelson (reading aloud): “England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. – What gobbledygook is this for God’s sake?”

Hardy: “Admiralty policy, I’m afraid, sir. We’re an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil’s own job getting ‘England’ past the censors, lest it be considered racist.”

Nelson: “Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco pouch.”

Hardy: “Sorry sir!  All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments.”

Nelson: “In that case, break open the rum ration.  Let us splice the main brace and steel the men before battle.”

Hardy: “The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral.  Its part of the Government’s policy on binge drinking.”

Nelson: “Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we’d better get on with it full speed ahead.”

Hardy: “I think you’ll find that there’s a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water.”

Nelson: “Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history.  We must advance with all dispatch.  Report from the crow’s nest, please.”

Hardy: “That won’t be possible, sir.”

Nelson: “What?”

Hardy: “Health and Safety have closed the crow’s nest, sir. No harnesses, and they said that our rope ladders don’t meet regulations. They won’t let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected.”

Nelson: “Then get me the ship’s carpenter without delay, Hardy.”

Hardy: “He’s busy knocking up wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral.  New regulations, you know!”

Nelson: “Wheelchair access? I’ve never heard anything so absurd.”

Hardy: “Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier- free environment for the differently abled.”

Nelson: “Differently abled? I’ve only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn’t rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.”

Hardy: “Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.”

Nelson: “Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.”

Hardy: “A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won’t let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt – haven’t you seen the adverts?”

Nelson: “I’ve never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.”

Hardy: “The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.”

Nelson: “What? This is mutiny!”

Hardy: “It’s not that, sir. It’s just that they’re afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.”

Nelson: “Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?”

Hardy: “Actually, sir, we’re not.”

Nelson: “We’re not?”

Hardy: “No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now.  According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.”

Nelson: “But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.”

Hardy: “I wouldn’t let the ship’s diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You’ll be up on disciplinary report.”

Nelson: “You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King.”

Hardy: “Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age.  Now put on your Kevlar vest; it’s the rules.  It could save your life”

Nelson: “Don’t tell me – Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?”

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there’s a ban on corporal punishment.”

Nelson: “What about sodomy?”

Hardy: “I do believe that’s now legal, sir.”

Nelson: “In that case ………………. Kiss me, Hardy

Suzi’s Bit: The Giraffe Test

November 24, 2010
The Giraffe Test 

If you score more than 1 on this test you’re doing well. 

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. 

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

This question tests whether you tend to do
simple things in an overly complicated way.

2 . How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

 

 

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?


Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to
think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals


Attend …. Except one. Which animal does not attend?
 


Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay,
even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and


You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
 



Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the

Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the


Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says

this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.


Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.


PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good.

%d bloggers like this: