Brigitte’s Pick: Children Are Quick

More from our Hugh Paxton Blog’s Brigitte’s Pick correspondent. I like the “I is..” one!

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

Thai Days: Our flood kittens – Autumn Zoolander and Treat

Hugh Paxton’s last post of today. A few pics of the two kittens orphaned (or swept away) by the Bangkok floods of late last year that we have adopted and which are currently adding a great deal of colour and feline mischief to our household. We picked them up from SCAD, a Bangkok animal welfare organisation (see previous Thai Days posts or check their website) and they are now more than at home. They own it! They are extraordinarily affectionate, very playful and gleefully riotous.

Take note chaps! If you are living in Bangkok and have a good home, SCAD still has hundreds of animals desperately in need of one. SCAD inoculates the animals it rescues so you won’t contract rabies, they neuter the animals, and you don’t have to pay to take them away. Although a donation is welcomed. Vietnamese restaurant owners need not apply!

Cheers!

Hugh

PS That’s beloved daughter Annabel holding them. She is so happy!

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Brigitte’s Pick: Is there life after death?

Hugh Paxton Blog Ed Note: No point in border formalities. I’d shoot the dog from my side of the fence. He goes first and I thus offer him the chance to let me know the answer to this important question in his own time.

British Humour

BRITISH HUMOUR

These are classified ads actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is… ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, 200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

BusinessDay – Rhino poaching: what is the solution?

If you are concerned about rhino poaching Hugh Paxton’s blog suggests following the this link for a thought provoking article

Subject: BusinessDay – Rhino poaching: what is the solution?

http://www.businessday.co.za/articles/Content.aspx?id=162979

Brigitte’s Pick: Amazing Paths

Hugh Paxton’s Blog is in complete agreement with Brigitte. These are indeed amazing paths!

Amazing Paths…

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May the path your life takes in the next year lead you to fun and adventure, love and peace.

Brigitte’s Pick: The Turtle

Brigitte’s in good form and Hugh Paxton’s Blog enjoys political satire when it is directed at the wicked. Be advised this turtle was not cooked and eaten. After its rather brief photo op it was returned to its pond. No harm done! A degree of fame and fortune achieved by the turtle in fact.

YOU’VE GOT TO LOVE THIS FARMER’S OUTLOOK & COMMON SENSE APPROACH TO LIFE

While sewing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, who’s hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to the ANC and Julius Malema The old farmer said, ‘Well, you know, in my opinion, Malema is a ‘Post Turtle”. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a ‘post turtle’ was. The old farmer said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle’. The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain:

You know he didn’t get up there by himself, He doesn’t belong up there, He doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb idiotsput him up there to begin with.

Good morning from Bangkok! Here’s a sea snake from Bunaken Cha Cha resort, Sulawesi!

Hugh Paxton’s blog spent a few uncomfortable minutes with a sea snake off Phi Phi Thailand. It was a bit ironic. I’d been paddling around lamenting the utter lack of interest and the bleached coral and the over fishing and thinking “There is sod all to see in this sea” when I surfaced and right there, six inches from my mask was a sea snake. Sea snakes are far more venomous than their terrestrial cousins but they are not possessed of a great gaping mouth. Their bite only works if they get you somewhere where your skin is thin. Like the webs between your fingers, or your ears. This I knew. And this is what made my Phi Phi sea snake encounter all the more disturbing. I was excited to see it and it was certainly intrigued by me. It came closer. I became rather conscious of my ear lobes. Two of the damn things. Both within easy nibbling distance. I thought, “Hugh, get a grip, don’t thrash around and alarm this snake. Use your hands to gently pull away.”

I then thought of webs – thin biteable webs of skin between my fingers – but I thought “Hugh, just pull away slowly. Keep your webs away from this fellow and do something clever with your feet.”

It worked and did not.

The intriguing thing about pulling away from a sea snake is that your reverse motion sucks the snake along with you. The more I gently retreated the more my snake was drawn in. I began to think about other thin membranes I was in possession of. I had a mask on my head. But it was on the top of my head. My eyelids, were they in jeopardy? My lips were kissing distance distant. And my throat? What about my throat?

The encounter didn’t last more than three minutes. And it stopped when I stopped moving and doing clever things with my feet. The snake swam not quite over my shoulder but it felt like it and then it cleared off in a lazy ripple. It was a graceful thing. A speckled band.

I wouldn’t describe the encounter as relaxing but it added interest and that’s what life’s about.

Here’s a sea snake from Bunaken Cha Cha resort in Sulawesi. The finest dive resort this blog has ever visited.

Sea Snake

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Brigitte’s Pick:

This just in from Brigitte.

THE WINNERS

Sometimes it takes a double take.

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Leonie’s View: This column sinks to new depths – In case you are considering a cruise in Italy ……

Hugh Paxton’s blog feels duty bound to pass on Leonie’s latest

With apologies to all those of Italian origin and to those who contemplate a cruise in the Med.

# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? – On the rocks

# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? – Leeks

# What’s the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? – Follow the captain

# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he wasgoing he replied "off course."

# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock. That’s more than can be said for his ship.

# The captain says he is not guilty of manslaughter. He has witnesses to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.

# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi’s last hooker.

# What’s the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?

Nothing – The bottoms dropped out of both.